Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness, Part III
by jjhatter
Summary: Sequel/continuation from Part II; be sure to read the first two parts before entering this twisted tale! A collaborative effort between myself and VanSkittles. Better summary inside...PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

_J:__ Greetings, fellow loonies! It is I, J.J. Hatter, here once again to bring you the next part of "Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness!" For the sake of my own sanity – what little there is – I have hidden all things related to...you-know-what (it rhymes with "Lie Brittle Stony") in an undisclosed location, so that VanSkittles can no longer reference it! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!_

_(As J is laughing, VanSkittles suddenly blasts through the wall, dressed as a Cyberman)_

_VS: WHERE ARE MY (Great and Powerful) LITTLE PONIES?!_

_J: I shall never talk! NEVER!_

_VS: Then you shall be ex-ter-min-a-ted!_

_J: Um...isn't that what the Daleks say, not the Cybermen...?_

_VS: SILENCE, OR I SHALL SUMMON GREAT AND POWERFUL MUSTARD BOTTLES UPON THEE!_

_J: (grabs an axe) EN GARDE!_

_(Static)_

**WE'RE SORRY; J.J. HATTER, MASTER OF MADNESS, SEEMS TO BE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES DUE TO HIS DUEL WITH A BERSERK BRONY. PLEASE ENJOY THIS PRESENTATION OF PART THREE OF "DESCENT INTO MADNESS."**

Rating: T (And we hope to keep it that way...but, seeing as we are both sick in the head, it MAY be raised...)

Disclaimer: _Doctor Who_ does not belong to us; it belongs to the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). This take on Wonderland, however, is OURS. (Since Carroll's works are in the public domain, we CAN claim this...however, the original stories, obviously, belong to Lewis Carroll himself. _En pace requiescat...)_

Summary: _**We have already seen...**_

_**An escape from Raston Card Guards... (Part II, Chapter I)**_

_**An ugly Duchess and her crazed Cook... (Part II, Chapter II)**_

_**A treacherous Knave and his mysterious lord... (Part II, Chapter III)**_

_**A White Rabbit, Late for a Very Important Date... (Part II, Chapter IV)**_

_**A Breakdown of the Queen...in more ways than one... (Part II, Chapter V)**_

_**The King gets stoned...um, that sounded bad... (Part II, also Chapter V)**_

_**Ace & the Doctor take tea in Dreamland... (Part II, Chapter VI)**_

_**A Fish-Faced Greeting to Card Castle... (Part II, Chapter VII)**_

_**Two very curious Androgums... (Part II, Chapter VIII)**_

_**A message to the Cheshire Cat... (Part II, Chapter IX)**_

_**...As the Knave and the Mad Hatter revealed their treachery! (Part II, Chapter X)**_

_**Will this part FINALLY answer some of our readers' (most especially katzsoa's) questions? Wait! The Worst is Yet to Come...**_

**Chapter I: Which Head is Higher?**

"Everything has gone precisely as planned," the Mad Hatter grinned.

The Doctor growled, one hand tightening its grip around his umbrella. Ace stared.

"Hatter..." she murmered.

"Hello, Ms. McShane...or should I call you Dorothy? Surprised to see me?"

The girl glared at him.

"It's _Ace,_ you scumbag," she snapped. "And how did you know that?!"

The Hatter and the Hare both laughed.

"Feisty, isn't she?" whispered the March Hare.

"Feisty, indeed," nodded the Mad Hatter.

"Hey! I can hear you!"

"Thanks for pointing that out."

"I should have tried to stop you when I had the chance," the Doctor sneered.

The Hatter grinned.

"Should have, maybe. But you didn't. And now, here I am!" the Hatter chirped, bowing.

The Doctor stepped forward...

The Knave of Hearts snapped his fingers, and the Card Guard Rastons all snapped out their weapons, battered heads twitching.

The Doctor stopped in mid-step.

"Caution, Time," smirked the Knave of Hearts moving from behind the Time Lord to stand near the Hatter, Hare, and Dormouse. "You seem to forget who's in charge now."

As the Knave spoke, a low groan echoed from behind Ace and the Doctor's back. The Queen rose from the floor, holding her sore head.

"Ooh...my head..."

Her eyes settled on the Doctor, recognition settling into them.

"...My head? YOUR head! Off with his head!"

"Ah!" smiled the Mad Hatter, clapping his hands together. "Good morning, madam! So good of you to join the party!"

"Hatter!" the Queen rounded on him. "What is the meaning of this?! What's going on?!"

"A bit of a regime change," sneered the Knave.

"How dare you!" the Queen shrieked. "Off with-!"

"BE SILENT!" shouted the Hatter.

And, without warning the Queen was just that; silent. She gagged, clutching her own throat as her eyes became lit with sheer panic.

"Better," the Hatter sighed, relieved, and smiled conspiratorially at the Doctor. "Such a good little puppet, though she does have a tendency to speak without her puppeteer."

Ace glanced at the Queen, and turned to the Doctor.

"Professor...what's going on here? What's wrong with the Queen?"

"Excellent questions, my dear!" laughed the Hatter, moving toward them. "Why don't you tell her, Time? Tell her why we're here. Tell her why the man who claims to be a healer is the cause of our damnation. Tell her how you're responsible for our collective internment in this wicked Madhouse."

Ace stepped in front of the Doctor as the Hatter came closer. The Hatter stopped, smirking.

"Ace..." the Doctor hissed.

"Stay back!" Ace growled, holding her bat like a sword.

The Hatter chuckled.

"Such spirit...perhaps I will find a way to utilize it."

"Over my dead body."

"Yes, if necessary."

Ace snarled.

"Cards!" the Knave snapped. "Take these three imbeciles to the dungeon; throw the Queen in one cell, and Time and his companion in another, on either side of the ex-King."

In the blink of an eye—or perhaps less time—Ace found her bat torn away from her, and she and the Doctor were surrounded by Rastons.

The Queen was finally able to speak again as two Rastons grabbed hold of her. "Let go of me! Off with your heads!" the Queen screamed. A few more Rastons came to contain her...then her shrieks echoed no longer through the confines of the Throne Room.

"Hatter!" roared the Doctor. "You'll never get away with-!"

Before the Doctor could finish this remark, they were gone, cast away into the bowels of Card Castle.

"How delightful," smiled the Hatter.

"Good riddance to good rubbish," snorted the March Hare.

The Dormouse nodded silently.

"Lord Hatter," the Knave said, with his arms crossed and a mug smile upon his face. "I have done all you have asked, and now, with the Queen of Hearts out of the way, I suppose it is time to start making preparations for my coronation?"

The Hatter raised one eyebrow.

"Coronation?"

"As King of Wonderland."

The Hatter blinked, and then laughed out loud.

The Knave eyed him suspiciously.

"What's so funny?"

The Hatter continued to chortle and snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, the Knave found himself restrained by two of the remaining Card Guards.

"What is the meaning of this?!" he bellowed. "Release me at once!"

"You are a fool, Knave," the Hatter sneered, abruptly serious again. "They won't help you; they only obey me."

The Knave stared.

"But...but I am their commander!"

"Maybe. But _I_ am their _programmer."_

The Knave glowered and struggled against the metal bonds in vain, as he already knew they could not be broken.

"You lying, treacherous maniac!" he spat.

"You're a fine one to talk," sneered the Hare.

"I did what you told me to do! I served you faithfully, now give me what I deserve!"

"That's exactly what we're doing," the Hatter smirked. He threw his hands behind his back and held his head on high as he looked down at the vile vermin he called the Knave. "You should have seen this coming, dear Jacoby; I only take tea with my friends. A scoundrel like you would no doubt turn his back on me at the first opportunity; look how easily I turned you against the Queen! As soon as you would be King, I'd be dead."

The Hatter suddenly lunged forward, grabbing the Knave and leaning in close.

"I may be mad," he snarled, "But, unlike you, I am NOT stupid."

"...You...you told me I'd be the highest head-"

"In Wonderland? You will be. I _keep_ my promises."

He stood up again, straightening the lapels of his waistcoat as he looked at the Rastons.

"Take the Knave to the dungeon; throw him in any empty cell across from the King and Queen that you care to. Let him be alone, cold, and uncared for. There he shall await execution..."

He grinned nastily at the Knave.

"I shall impale your head on a pike," he giggled. "And place it on the towers. No one's head is higher than that."

The Knave growled in response.

The Hatter laughed uproariously.

"Take him away!" he cackled.

As the Cards dragged the Knave of Hearts away, the Hatter pulled out the King's crown from a pocket in his coat, and removed his hat so that he may decorate his signature headgear with his newly acquired royal trinket.

"WE SEALED IT IN BLOOD!" the Knave roared.

"Next time get it in real writing!" snapped the Hatter, and placed the hooped crown around his hatband, then placed the hat back on his head. "Long live the King of Wonderland: Me."

_**"LONG LIVE THE KING!"**_ crowed the March Hare.

Gales of wild laughter haunted the Knave, just before the Rastons vanished from the throne room, with their latest captive in tow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II: Explanation, Please?**

The King of Hearts awoke in the middle of a prodigious snore as he heard somebody yell the word "-this!" He opened his eyes, sitting upright, as he saw a group of Card Guards pop up. He raised an eyebrow as he watched them push two strange figures into the cell to his immediate left: one was a strange looking man covered in question marks and dressed in a safari-esque outfit, the other was a young lady with a fair shade of braided brown hair who was dressed in black, wearing a backpack and covered in pins and buttons. A few other Cards held his bride, who was struggling and snarling as she was carried past the King's cell and placed in the cell to his right.

The man—naturally, the Doctor—fell to the floor, then bounced right back up as the Cards locked the cell and promptly vanished. He shook the bars, and sighed as he noted the futility of this particular action. The Doctor then moved back and sat down on a bench to concentrate. The King, who was slumped on a bench in his own cell, scooted towards them.

"Excuse us, sir...this probably isn't a good time for this...but, then again, you ARE Time, aren't you?"

The Doctor sighed.

"Yes, that's me, but I'm getting dreadfully tired of people reminding me..."

"Our apologies."

"Who are you?" asked the girl, eyeing him suspiciously.

The King smiled.

"We are the King of Hearts...or, at least, we were..."

"RELEASE ME AT ONCE!" the Queen screamed, as she threw herself against the bars of her own cell. "LET ME OUT OF HERE, OR IT'S OFF WITH ALL YOUR HEADS, DO YOU HEAR ME?! I AM THE QUEEN OF WONDERLAND! _LET ME OUT!"_

The King groaned.

"Ugh...marriage. It's like a deck of cards: you start off with diamonds and hearts, but, by the end, all you want is a club and a spade! Shut up!"

"Silence, you insolent man!" snapped the Queen, leering at him. "If not for these bars, I'd take your head off myself!"

The Doctor rolled his eyes, leaning his chin on his umbrella thoughtfully.

"What a delightful couple they make," he mumbled.

"Let go!" growled a new voice. "Stop! I command you to stop!"

The Doctor smirked.

"Well, if it isn't the Knave of Hearts. It appears your plan has collapsed in on itself, like a perilous house of cards."

The Knave did not answer as the Cards holding him pushed him to a cell across from the King's. The King smiled triumphantly.

"Well, look who decided to join our little party," he said, sneeringly. "Did things not go according to your plan, foul Knave?"

"Hold your tongue," the Knave growled. "You're just as stuck as I am."

The King promptly fell silent.

Ace pulled on the bars herself, testing them...

"It's no good, Ace," the Doctor said. "These bars are nothing that a concentrrrated combustible couldn't handle, however the impact of the blast would not fare well for the inhabitants _behind_ said bars."

"So...no Nitro 9, then?"

The Doctor smiled wryly and shook his head.

Ace sighed as she sat down on the bench beside the Doctor, removing her backpack and placing it on the ground.

"Well," she said after a moment, "It looks like we won't be going anywhere anytime soon, so..."

The Doctor looked at Ace's expectant face, and sighed again.

"Oh, very well," he muttered, and took a deep storytelling breath.

"Ace, what do you want to know first?"

"What's going on here? More specifically, what was the Mad Hatter talking about, and what is this place exactly?"

"Well, you see...a long time ago, on my home planet, Gallifrey, there was a renegade Time Lord whose sole creeds were deprrravity and chaos; he rejoiced in altering the time stream, and delighted in the infinite potential to bend countless histories to his will. At first, there was nothing major, with no serious harm brought upon the fabric of time: crush a butterfly here, kill a dinosaur there, the odd presidential assassination...but, unfortunately, he grew bored of such petty things."

"Petty?!"

"From his standpoint, yes. He needed greater amusement, a constant sense of fun...and what could be more fun, he thought, then shaping the universe to fit his own twisted philosophies? Imagine a universe where the laws of physics were governed by the whim of a madman; no logic, no reasoning. Pure and undiluted anarchy. And to achieve this, his ultimate goal, he decided he would travel to the very point where all of creation was made, the very beginning of the universe, and alter the course of events, with no regard to the obvious consequences and unthinkable damage that this course of action would do not only to himself, but to everything that has ever been. In essence, he would murder time itself."

"Wicked..."

"Wasn't it, though? Thankfully, the Time Lords were able to stop him in his tracks, and quickly captured him. Naturally, their first thought for a fitting punishment was execution...but perhaps regrettably, in retrospect, they opted against it, in an effort to move away from the Dark Times of our world, before the age of Rassilon. They instead decided to move him into an...er...institution, much like its prrredecessor prrrison planet, Shada, where not only would he would be imprisoned, but where he might be able be rrrehabilitated. The particular Time Lord who captured this renegade escorted him to this place...but the bitter madman vowed revenge, swearing only hatred toward his captor, and all those affiliated with him."

"And...that renegade...was the Mad Hatter?"

"Rrright."

"And by 'his captor,' you mean yourself?"

"Time Lords rarely do their own dirty work," the Doctor answered cryptically.

"...Well, anyway, my next question is about-"

"The Time Lock? Lewis Carroll's 'Wonderland'? They are very much connected. Well, you see, following the Hatter's imprisonment, other inmates were soon brought here. Beings from other worlds and realms that were considered to be too dangerous, to themselves or others, or often times both were all brought here. These insane beings could not possibly coexist with their own species, let alone an outside race, so the Madhouse became a home for such unstable creatures. Some would come to the Madhouse voluntarily...but such cases were often the exception rrrather than the rule. A majority of inmates were plucked out of their respective time zones and rrrelocated here. But this would hardly last, as the Madhouse was condemned when a scandal arose: a young lad from Earth was transported—accidentally, mind you—to this asylum by a wayward Time Scoop..."

"Eh?"

"The means by which the High Council transported inmates onto this forsaken sphere; leftover technology from the Dark Times."

"Oh."

"Yes...anyway, this imaginative, but hardly insane, little boy, was probably lucky to survive the madness of this world; a Cheshire Cat who's more interested in tearing flesh than giving directions, a rrraving Mad Hatter and his motley crew, and a Queen who...well..."

A wordless shriek from the Queen's cell finished the Doctor's sentence for him.

"Ahem...anyway, when this was reported to the High Council, they decided to do something rrradical, rrremarkable, and rrrather unheard of...something that no Time Lord had dreamed of doing before, and would likely never do again..."

"What's that?"

"They took action."

"Very funny."

"I thought so. But, back to the matter at hand: to avoid such a thing from ever happening again, the Time Lock was put in place, sealing this world for all eternity. That is, of course, after the child was removed safely and returned to Earth. Just in time, I might add, as the whole pack of cards, so to speak, had risen up to arms at the Queen's command."

"Let me guess: that boy was Lewis Carroll."

"Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, yes; it's no wonder he became a mathematician in his later years. Given the track rrrecord you humans have, it seemed almost inevitable in an effort to try and make what little sense he could of his life after the madness he witnessed..."

"But, then, how come nobody has ever heard of this? I mean, I'm guessing no one reported a missing persons, or asked..."

Ace stopped when the Doctor looked her in the eye with the most dull, frank expression she had ever seen.

"...What?"

"Ace...if a young boy had told you he'd been to a world of living playing cards, talking animals, endless afternoons, and fairy-tale creatures, how would you have reacted?"

"...ah. Right..."

"Hmph."

"So what about the Time Lock? What exactly does that do?"

"A Time Lock, Ace, is a state of perpetual endlessness; time is frozen in its tracks around a particular place in space and time, and lasts like that forevermore...or, at least, until the Time Lock is broken. Nothing can get in, and nothing can get out; in theory that is."

"But, professor...if nothing can get in, or out, how'd we end up here in the first place?"

"The machine under the Queen's throne. As I said, it created a Rabbit Hole, as the Time Lords nicknamed it—a nickname Lewis Carroll undoubtedly heard during his travels. It's basically an artificial wormhole, very crude and very short-lived, but also very powerful. That was what snatched up the TARDIS, and brought us here."

"And that's bad...right?"

"Exceedingly. Think of the Time Lock as a bubble, Ace; if something pierced through that bubble, what would happen?"

"The bubble would burst."

"Prrrecisely."

"So, basically, we're trapped inside the universe's biggest looney bin, and we need to find a way out before all the other nuts do!"

"OI! We heard that, you fiends!" snapped the King.

"That's the bottom line, I suppose, yes," the Doctor said with a nod.

"So, what now?"

"Well, first and foremost, we'll have to get out of this dungeon..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III: King Hatter**

The Mad Hatter whistled a merry tune—albeit, out of tune—as he marched around the castle. The Dormouse walked at his side, silent and vigilant.

"Ah, the pressures of royal work...isn't it delightful, Dorma? I've been king less than an hour, and already I've made arrangements to turn the gardens into a boardwalk, make most of the kitchen staff into the next Christmas feast, and trapped my mortal enemies in the dungeon! Ohh, I love it...what should we do next, my dear?"

The Dormouse's head turned slightly, her eyes peering at him from behind her black veil. She said nothing.

"...Yes, you are quite right: I think the guest room should be our next stop. Darling Dorma...you always come up with the best ideas!"

The Dormouse did not respond, but followed the Hatter to the guest room. The Hatter opened the door and waved a hand inside.

"Ladies first, my love," he crooned.

The Dormouse bowed slightly and entered. Hatter smirked and followed her in with a little jump in his step as he went.

"Hmm...yes," he murmered, peering around the room, a hand to his chin, "I think this should be-"

He stopped short, noticing the Duchess and her Cook sitting nearby. The Cook had fallen asleep, while the Duchess continued to knit idly.

"Ahem!" he coughed, standing tall.

The Cook awoke, and the duo looked up at him.

"Who are you? Have we met?" the Cook snapped.

"I should think so; you and I were witnesses at a trial several years ago...at least, I THINK it was years..."

"Oh, yes! You sang at the Queen's royal concert!"

"It's the ex-Queen, now," the Hatter said, with a smirk. "And might I inquire as to what you two are doing in my castle?"

_"Your_ castle?" the Duchess piped, tilting her head slightly. "I was under the impression it was the Queen's!"

"Wonderland is under new management. Me."

The Duchess gasped, clasping her hands together, dropping her knitting.

"Wonderful!" she giggled. "I never did care for the Queen!"

The Hatter and the Dormouse shared a glance, but neither said a word.

"I repeat," the Hatter said, a little louder, "What are you two doing here?"

"Well," the Duchess said, "We came to bring Her…Former Majesty some Macra Bisque Grimwag here made..."

"...But, since you seem to be in charge now," the Cook said with a filthy grin, "Why don't you try some?"

The Cook stood and the Dormouse suddenly stepped forward as her right hand disappeared somewhere into her robes, reaching for something distinct.

The Hatter stopped her with a wave of his hand.

"It's all right, Dormouse," he whispered, and tasted some of the Macra Bisque the Cook offered him...

"Hmm...not bad, actually. A mite chewy, perhaps, but truly delectable...why, I think I'll keep you two alive a little longer!"

"Oh, good! Means we don't have to kill you, neither!"

"My good sir," the Duchess said, standing now, "We were wondering..."

"It's King Hatter!" snapped the maniac, rounding on the Duchess with a sneer. "Address me as such!"

The Duchess paused, and then curtsied clumsily.

"King Hatter," she tried again, "I'd like to ask a question..."

"Have you the ability?"

"Yes, I think-"

"Then go ahead."

"Perchance, have you any idea what's been done with the human that was accompanying Time?"

"I should; I sent her to dungeon not too long ago. I was planning on having that little thing beheaded...in small increments, no less."

"Aw, what a waste," the Cook mumbled with a curious pout.

"Oh, you're welcome to take the scraps!" the Hatter chirped, grinning hugely.

"With all due respect, King Hatter," the Duchess said, giving another wobbly curtsey, "We were planning to make that human our OWN feast...we could even do the beheading for you, if you wish. We haven't had our sixth lunch yet, as it is, so we are quite famished..."

The Hatter turned his eyes upward and "hmmed" thoughtfully.

"Okay, then!" he said at last, brightly, and cleared his throat, before climbing up onto a nearby cedar chest and holding his head and his hand high in proclamation. "As the new King of Wonderland, I, the Mad Hatter, do declare that the Duchess Daemore of the Fromagian Grig, and her Cook, shall have the first pick from the dungeon! They may take any prisoner they choose from to do with as they please...provided, of course, I, as King, get to keep their head."

He then hopped down from the box and smiled at the two, hands on his lapels.

"Fair enough?"

"Oh, it's lovely!" the Duchess laughed. "I simply can't wait to get my hands on that one! Maybe even try the one covered in question marks-"

"No!" shouted the Hatter, furiously, slamming his hand on the cedar chest. The Mad Hatter then turned around, took a breath, and turned back towards the Androgums. With a calm tone and a crooked smile, he stated, "That particular dish is off the menu."

"Oh, well, never mind. He doesn't look too tender anyway. Like veal, the best meat always comes from the young."

"I believe I'll have her baked," the Cook murmered, thoughtfully. "Compared to Macra, she'd be a piece of cake...cherry, frosting and all..."

"Huh. An interesting dish, that," chuckled the Hatter.

The Cook guffawed and clapped the Hatter on the shoulder.

"Heh Heh! I like you; good to be in the King's favor!"

"Come, Grimwag," the Duchess commanded, waving a hand imperiously. "Let us away! To the pantry...er, I mean, the dungeons!"

As the two Androgums bustled away, the Hatter giggled to himself.

"Ah...the smiling faces of one's subjects...such a joy. Wouldn't you say so, Dorma?"

There was no reply.

Hatter grinned wider and patted the Dormouse on the head like a puppy.

"Dorma," he said, "Sometimes I think you and Marchy are the only people worth talking to around here; he does the talking so well, and you are such a marvelous listener!"

With a hearty laugh, the Mad Hatter then walked back to the throne room with the Dormouse in tow.

As the Hatter pushed the doors open, he was greeted by the sight of the March Hare, standing on the arm rest of the throne—which was flanked by a pair of Raston Sentries—swinging a large, gold scepter, topped with a ruby in the shape of a heart, like a bat.

"Oh, there you are!" March smiled. "Tell me...what is this thing? And what's it for? Can we play cricket with it?"

"Marchy, that is the royal scepter of Wonderland, and it is NOT to be played with!"

"Oh, but it's so good at balancing things...even if I'm not..." the Hare grumbled, and gestured to a pile of broken saucers lying on the floors.

The Hatter rolled his eyes.

"Cards," he ordered, "Get the Royal Janitor, and bring him to the guest room—soon to be the pool table room, by the way—to await my commands. Then, bring Time to me. I require an audience with him," the Hatter said, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

The Cards both gave a twitching nod, and promptly disappeared.

The Hatter then turned to the Dormouse, who stood stock-still at the foot of the throne, and the March Hare, who was preparing to balance another saucer on the royal scepter.

"Leave us," he said coldly. "I wish for this to be a _private_ meeting."

The Dormouse bowed, and silently exited the room.

The Hare, meanwhile, slapped something onto the saucer. He then proceeded to try and balance it again, convinced that it would do the trick.

The Mad Hatter blinked and cocked his head to one side.

"Um...Marchy? Did you not hear me?"

"Not now, not now!" March hissed, concentrating. "I think I've got it: I buttered up the dish so it gets some momentum-"

CRASH!

Another saucer bit the dust as the scepter was snatched away by the Hatter, who stood there, panting angrily as the startled March Hare shrank back.

"GET OUT!" the Hatter bellowed. "NOW!"

The Hare gulped and bounded away.

"Sorry, Hatter!" he called back just before he left.

Hatter sighed irritably and sat back on the throne to await the Doctor's arrival...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV: Thoughts of a Knave**

"Heads rolling...chop-chop-chop...ripping through the little fibers...blood all over...loveliness...off, I say! OFF WITH THEM, OFF!"

The King of Hearts sighed, a hand to his temple.

"Darling, we implore you, don't over-exert yourself: we dare say, there will be no 'offing' today."

The Queen in the cell beside him responded with a wordless, beastial snarl, but said nothing.

The King rolled his eyes, and then turned toward the cell across from him. He smiled cockily at the specimen before him.

The Knave of Hearts was slumped on the bench with his back to the left wall of his cell. His eyes were hidden by the cowl of his cloak. He looked almost like a child, huddled with his legs drawn up, head bowed, and his arms wrapped around himself.

"Well," the King smugly began, speaking loud enough for the Knave to hear, "If ANYONE is losing their heads, we think it ought to be that hideous little imp over there. All in favor?"

No one answered, though the Queen was heard softly singing to herself something about "tarts, all on a summer's day..."

"...Ahem...anyway, why so glum, Knave? It's our opinion that you got exactly what you asked for. You wanted trouble, you got it. Does that not amuse you, treacherous fiend?"

The Knave said nothing. The King smirked.

"What is the matter, dear Knave? Have you nothing to say for yourself?"

_...No._

_I have nothing to say to him, nor to anyone._

His eyes travelled to where the Doctor paced around his cell. He sneered.

_Some even less than others..._

_ Oh, I remember when I was brought here, and why. To say it was yesterday would be a gross lie: indeed, it seems so long ago, but I remember it clear as day..._

_ The Peacekeepers, as we called ourselves, stood outside my cell as they debated over what was to be my ultimate fate. The reason they had called themselves the Peacekeepers was because they had renounced war altogether for over four millennia. This made us fragile and decadent. We had no armies, and our guards carried no arms. _

_ In short, we were just begging to be invaded. _

_ It finally happened: after countless centuries of peace, our planet found itself at war. The war decimated over a billion of our kind, including the King of Tranquility, and our world needed a strong leader, a leader who was willing to do what was necessary. _

_ That was when I took command, the only enlightened soul amongst our imbecilic race. Under my command, we converted the solar stations into missile silos, power plants into nuclear weapons, and the metal from our humble abodes into the casings for our heavy artillery. We won the war by totally obliterating our foe. But I knew that true peace could only be achieved by eliminating _all_ potential threats. Indeed, we would maintain our precious peace, but few saw my perspective as we launched the first strike against the neighboring world of Darminius. _

_ They said this action was unprovoked, and that it was against the will of the people, but this was no democracy and they knew the Darminians had been working on planet destructors for the last decade. Oh, there were claims that the destructors were not all they seemed...indeed, some claimed, they were meant to be something completely different, and that the "peaceful" Darminians were our friends. After all, they had helped us in the war. But I knew the truth: you couldn't trust anyone._

_ I should have remembered that...for it is when I forget my own standards that I find myself...like this...defeated._

_ They turned against me...every single one. They imprisoned me, despite everything I had done for our race and the salvation of these worthless souls. They were ingrates, and worse yet they were cowards, leaving me to rot in a cell rather than ending it all together. Since no Peacekeeper dared to violate the domestic and interplanetary peace our world had maintained for so long, there were literally no laws against what I had done. But I had done no wrong, I had saved our race, and yet I was condemned rather than praised. _

_ I could not take it: I finally escaped, and amassed an army of followers—oh, how glad I was to have even a few!—but they were no warriors. They were cowards themselves, no different from the rest. We were defeated before the new war could even begin._

_ Ultimately, I was sent to Gallifrey, and those blithering, ignorant Time Lords—another decadent race whose self-righteousness reflects off their very name—sent me to the Madhouse. But, I am not mad; I am enlightened. There are hundreds of other races and beings out there who see the universe as I do, and yet I, alone, am imprisoned in this place where Time stands still. _

_ But I showed them all: I worked my way up. I only served as a lowly knave so that I could take command of what was rightfully mine. If I couldn't have my true world, I would take this one...and then another...and then another..._

_ ...But now I have been betrayed._

_ Again._

_ I'll not stand for it, though. Soon the Hatter will know the meaning of peace, eternal, after I break out of here...and kill him._

The King raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing, Knave? Not a word?"

No response.

The King chuckled.

"It is of no concern...we take comfort in the thought that you shall soon share our fate...whatever that is..."

The Knave laughed darkly, the sound sending shivers up the King's spine.

_I shan't,_ he thought. _First, Your Former Majesty, I shall kill the Mad Hatter...then you, and your wife...then Time...and then anybody else who dares to interfere in my rule._

_ Nothing stands in my way._

_ Nothing...and no one..._

The King shuddered, not knowing the Knave's thoughts, but unnerved all the same by his silence. The King then scooted on his bench, closer to Ace and the Doctor's cell.

"Ahem...Time, m'lord?"

"Eh?"

"We must ask: any notion as to how we shall escape our imprisonment?"

The Doctor shook his head, frowning. His hands were folded behind his back and his umbrella was hooked in his upper right pocket.

"Not yet, no."

"You'd think in a place like this, the cells would just fall over like playing cards," mumbled Ace, who then glanced up at the King.

"No offense."

The King shrugged.

The Doctor sighed, and got down on his hands and knees, checking the bottoms of the bars.

"Urgh, if only I had as much experience here as with getting out of chains and straitjackets...there must be something, some small detail I'm rrruning past and missing. It's like I always tell you, Ace: rrrushing gets you nowhere; you just miss all the important-"

Literally in the blink of an eye, the Doctor vanished.

Ace knew this because she blinked.

She gaped. The King jumped.

"...Professor? Doctor?"

No answer.

"The Card Guards," the King muttered in realization.

"DOCTOR!"

Ace ran up and grabbed the bars, shaking them as hard as she could.

"HEY! HEY, YOU TIN-HEADS! BRING HIM BACK HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND?! I'LL TURN YOU INTO SCRAP METAL! YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Um...we don't think they can hear you, little miss."

"...Between yourself and me..." the Queen sang under her breath.

The Knave's cruel laugh filled the dungeon chambers.

Ace glared at each one of them, then turned away.

"Who cares for you all?" she grumbled. "You're nothing but a pack of cards..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V: Hat Chat**

"-details."

The Doctor stumbled and blinked rapidly; the dungeon had, without warning, vanished. He was now being held by two Raston Sentries facing the opposite direction, just behind his back. The Doctor has suddenly found himself in the middle of the throne room of Card Castle.

He looked up and smiled at the two Cards.

"Oh! Hello, lads! Anybody for blackjack?"

The robots did not reply.

"Oh, I forgot: no voice box. How very dull."

The Card Guards suddenly released him, pushing him at the same time. The Doctor tumbled onto his back on the floor.

"Very good," came a voice from behind him. "Guards, you are dismissed. I'll call when I need you again."

Quick as a wink, the Rastons were gone.

The Doctor stood up and brushed himself off, as casual as a lounge chair.

"Well, well!" the voice said again. "It has been a while, hasn't it, Doctor?"

The Doctor turned at last to face his opponent. The Mad Hatter was sprawled lazily across the throne. His hat, with the crown circling it, tipped back slightly on his head. His legs crossed and stretched over one armrest as he rhythmically smacked the scepter of Wonderland in his hands like a club or a bat. The Hatter smiled, almost gently, at this rival Time Lord.

The Doctor blinked mildly, pausing, before turning away again, brushing off his hat.

"It has, indeed," he said. "You should teach your henchmen more manners: I was in the middle of a conversation when they picked me up, you know..."

"I noticed," the Hatter observed. The Hatter then reached behind him, where a tea tray sat, taking up his cup and sipping from it. He licked his lips as he finished his sip, right before turning his mismatched eyes back on the Doctor.

"Speaking of manners," he piped up, "Would you like a cup of tea?"

The Doctor smiled and shook his head, replacing his hat.

"No, thank you."

"Hm. Suit yourself," the Hatter shrugged, and took another drink before putting the cup back. "So, tell me, how have you been?"

"Oh, quite well, all things considered...losing my spoons, being dragged mid-flight by your Rrrabbit Hole, being imprisoned in a dungeon, et cetera, et cetera. However, something tells me you didn't have me brought here merely to exchange pleasantries...particularly since I don't see your rrrambuctious little thugs with you."

"Who? March and Dorma? Ah, they are not 'thugs,' Doctor...they are the only creatures I have ever known that I could _really _call friends. But, yes, I had them leave...for the time being."

The Hatter giggled maniacally.

"Ohh, Time...such an interesting word...dear Time."

"I quite agree."

"Yes, but anyway, Doctor, can't a Hatter just summon an old friend for some chit-chat?"

The Doctor frowned.

"We are not friends. We were never friends, Hatta."

The Mad Hatter smirked, eyes blazing—a mismatched look on a mismatched face.

"You know better."

Then, almost immediately after, Hatter sighed in mock-sorrow, clapping the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically.

"Still, alas, you seem to have seen through my clever ploy!" he said. He laughed hysterically before sitting upright and clapping his hands together. Hatta grinned as he leaned forward eagerly. "Go ahead, Doctor: guess why!"

"I prrresume that you intend to gloat—with me, your mortal enemy, standing powerless before you—all as your heinous plan unfurls?"

"Prrrecisely!" the Hatter said, mimicking his foe.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

"Ah, typical. You megalomaniacs are all alike, with your sick sense of humor. Like spoiled toddlers, you toy with the lives of innocents as if they were simply playthings to be broken, and obsess over things you can never have..."

"Yet here I sit, on the throne of the Madhouse, closer than ever before to ACHIEVING that goal!" the Hatter leered, spreading his hands out as he spoke. "The Jabberwock approaches: the day the most senior of our...er...citizens declared would one day come to pass is, at long last, coming true! It's like a sunny sort of dream!"

"More like a grim, moonlit nightmare..."

"Oh, don't be so pessimistic, Doctor!" the Hatter snapped, standing as he spoke. His grin turned into a pout for the briefest of moments, before his green and blue eyes lit up and the smile returned. "Picture it: everybody entrapped and ensnared in this planetary asylum free! Off to have grand little adventures as they break the temporal chains that bind them...and me, at the head of the metaphorical pack, commanding them all and setting their tricks, like a universal ringmaster!"

"Yes, thus opening a Pandora's Box of violence, vengeance, and villainy," the Doctor retorted. "Hatta, don't you see?! I brought you here for a reason! You were a danger then, and you are even more dangerous now. I cannot possibly allow you to escape, the madman who is like so many on this planet: a lost cause of malicious intent and dark desires that will never be realized!"

"SAVE IT!" spat the Hatter. Suddenly, he threw his teacup towards his prisoner, which the Doctor easily sidestepped. The Doctor smirked up at the lunatic Time Lord.

"You can't accept it all, can you?"

"Oh, be quiet," Hatter sneered. "Don't pretend like you're not one of us. Come on, Doctor. Do you remember those old tales, ancient myths spoken only in whispers of Salyavin, the one who defied everything the Time Lords stood for? Tell me when you left Gallifrey, you weren't thinking what I thought: where was the fun in staying there?"

The Doctor glowered and moved closer.

"You have forgotten who you're talking to, Hatta..."

"Wrong, Doctor!" the Hatter countered as he began to descend the stairs of the throne. He pointed and gestured wildly as he spoke, his voice growing frenzied and discordant. "I know exactly who I'm talking to; I simply do not care! And did you care? Surrounded by bickering old idiots, doddering around and doing nothing truly substantial with their own lives, unless, of course, you count endless arguing and pointless conversations held in those bloody bingo halls they called meeting places? Did you not see the High Council as I did, and still do? When you defied their rules, and decided to go fluttering about between galaxies in that blasted blue box, why did you do it? Was it not for the reasons I wanted to go: a chance to make the universe, and all universes, as you saw them, a bit more...shall we say, exciting? No...interesting? No, no...fulfilling! That's the word, yes! A chance to fill some sort of gap within your soul—if one even exists—and make things better! More fun, and wonderful, and utterly perfect!"

The Hatter and the Doctor were inches apart. The Mad Hatter paused, then, suddenly, grabbed the Doctor's shoulders. The other Gallifreyan wore a perfect poker face over Hatter's wild, manic, and oddly hopeful grin.

"Don't you see?! We're exactly the same!"

"You wanted to destroy the universe..."

"Nay, Doctor! Not 'destroy!' 'Reinvent!' Something you do nearly on a daily basis, I understand! Granted, I'll admit, being...cooped up as I am, I can't be certain of how intentional you make it...but that's another tale altogether. Doctor...deep down, you and I are not so different after all! We just view things from different angles: you see black, I see white! You go left, I go right!"

"That makes us antonyms, not synonyms!" the Doctor shouted, and abruptly shoved the Hatter back.

"Pish-posh!" the Hatter said, waving a hand dismissively. "A mere matter of language! I'm talking people here, old friend, not words!"

There was silence for a moment. The Doctor watched the Hatter warily, with his fist wrapped tightly around his umbrella. The Hatter stood, sweating and panting as if he had run a marathon. That huge, hopelessly insane smile still graced the madman's face.

After a moment, the Doctor suddenly flicked his wrist, and a black silk handkerchief appearing in his hand from his sleeve. He handed it to the Hatter, who took it gratefully and wiped his brow with it, then removed his hat and dropped the kerchief inside. He then smirked as he revealed the inside of his hat to the Doctor.

It was empty.

"Doctor," the Hatter began again, considerably more subdued, "I'm going to give you one chance now: why you continue to deny our similarities, I don't believe I'll ever know...but perhaps this chance can help you understand yourself."

"And what chance would that be, prrray tell?"

"Why, isn't it obvious? Join me! Me, the March Hare, the Dormouse, and all the rest of us weirdos whom our societies have scorned, like yourself!"

The Doctor snorted.

"You truly must be mad if you think I'll accept that offer."

"Well, of course I am! It sort of comes with the name." The maniac was suddenly a bundle of energy and optimism again. He flipped off his top hat, and bowed theatrically. "The Mad Hatter, King of Wonderland! And why not join his team, Time? Why not work for our cause; you sort of do already! Please, come with me! Together, we'll create a greater history, present, and future, and make our faint existence much brighter! A twinkling tea tray in the starry skies over every-!"

"And how do you plan to do that?" the Doctor interrupted, harshly, pointing with his umbrella. "By clogging up the Big Bang? By blowing up what might have once been a lively planet, just to see what color the explosion makes? By making yourself the emperor of time and space, then eliminating all of it with nothing but pesticide? By murdering, maiming, and stealing everything living creatures hold dear to their hearts? Giving the newly appointed office of monstrous monarch of madness to yourself, guns to infants, nuclear bombs to adolescents, war the title of peace, insanity the title of strength, Great Space Vampires the title of some chocolate cereal?!"

The Hatter's grin fell. His eyes narrowed. He stood quietly, straight and tall.

"I would rather die than join you, Hatta. You _are_ insanity, and in and of itself, it is not a crime...it's the way it manifests that makes you a threat, not just to other Time Lords, but to all that exists! You would gladly snap and crush the whole of time and space into a twisted shell of what it is, make moons into sculptures of yourself, define the laws of physics to fit your twisted perception of how reality should be. And why? Because it was Saturday night, and you were bored! You tried it once before...and if I let you out, you'd do it again. The cosmos is in a certain place, Hatta...we can't change it, and if we tried..."

He trailed off.

The Mad Hatter looked the Doctor up and down. He sighed and returned to his throne. The gangly madman sat back down, drumming his fingers on the arm rests for a few seconds. He bit his lip before speaking.

"You are a fool, Doctor. And a hypocrite, as well. I really thought you were better than this: from the stories I hear, from the Cheshire Cat, and others...it sounded so marvelous. I honestly started to _like_ you a little, despite all you did to me and to them..."

He growled like a rabid panther.

"But I see now I was mistaken: you're like all the rest of Gallifrey. Drab, stubborn, and bereft of any true imagination. To think a wretched human waif, vanished here and back home centuries—at least, I think it was centuries—ago, was more intriguing...sickens me."

He chuckled.

"Oh, well...it really doesn't matter. I've won already. You have brought me the key to my victory, and I thoroughly intend to use it."

Hatter leaned forward again, smiling wickedly.

"But not just yet: I want to savor things a little more. I've waited this long, so, I suppose I can wait a while longer...particularly if it means I might get to see you grovel before my feet. But I will tell you right now: it won't matter if you do."

He giggled madly.

"Do you know what I plan to do with you?"

"Ohh...let me guess: off with my head?"

"Nothing so simple. No...I intend to send you to the tea table eventually, along with your little pet. That is, of course, after I have taken your TARDIS, and set the rest of my fellow inmates go, before taking my own leave. I shall leave you two behind, to wait for ages and ages, where it is always six o'clock, with nothing but an infinity of sweets and tea to live on...until, someday, I remember that I left you here in the first place, and come back. At first it will all look the same in this golden sphere...but soon, you will see that it is darker each time you look at it, and then so much brighter than the time before, until you forget what it looks like entirely. Soon after, you will begin to lose all perception of time, with each second feeling like another eternity, all spent bathed in damnation. And, if, perchance, you have managed to survive that..._then_ I will kill you. _**Slowly. And. PAINFULLY."**_

__The Doctor glared at the Mad Hatter, but said nothing.

The Hatter sneered, and then snapped his fingers.

In a flash, the Cards reappeared.

"Guards, take Time-"

"Did you ever solve my riddle?"

The Hatter paused, tilting his head.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"'Why is a raven like a writing desk?' Did you ever figure it out?"

Hatter snarled.

"It is a mere, childish puzzle. Why is a partridge like a parasol? Why is crow like a cow-bell? Why is a bat like a tea tray? Why is a croquet mallet like a baton? There need not be an answer because there is no answer, treacherous Time!"

The Doctor smiled faintly, and shook his head.

"You're wrong, Mad Hatter. That will be your undoing. I'm warning you now...it's your move."

The Hatter tilted his head the other way, baffled...then his wicked smile returned.

"Very well. In that case..."

He cleared his throat.

"Guards!" he commanded again. "Take him back to the dungeon!"

And they did. They all disappeared as quickly as they came.

The Hatter stood still, and silent, for a moment, in the center of the room.

A chuckle bubbled in his chest.

"Marchy? Dorma?" he called, between giggles. "You can come back now..."

The door to the throne room opened, and the March Hare and Dormouse entered.

"Did your little meeting go well?" the Hare asked.

Hatter shook his head, still chuckling softly.

"No," he chortled. "Not really..."

"Oh...well, then, why are you laughing?"

In an instant, the soft chuckles changed into a shrieking, howling laugh that shook the whole of Card Castle. The March Hare jumped back in surprise, while the Dormouse, silent as ever, barely even flinched.

_"IT DOESN'T MATTER!"_ the Mad Hatter screamed, head thrown back as he cackled. _"THE LOOKING-GLASS IS MINE! __**WE'VE WON! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...!"**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI: The Escape**

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

"You can keep that up forever, but we don't think it is going to work..."

"Oh, shut up, you!" snapped Ace, banging her baseball bat against the bars, trying to loosen their supports.

As she reached back for another swing...someone, or something, grabbed onto her bat, stopping her.

She turned fast...

"Professor!"

"I don't think those bars are pitcher shots, Ace," smirked the Doctor, releasing the bat.

The girl sighed, and sheathed her bat.

"Yeah, well...I thought it might be worth a try..."

The Doctor chuckled and sat down on the cell bench, once crossing his legs, both hands on his umbrella's question mark handle.

"What happened, Professor? Where'd they take you?"

"Away," was the vague reply.

"Well, obviously, but-"

A soft clatter from the doors down the dungeon passage caught their attention. Even the Queen—who, at this point, was repeating the word "off" in a broken-sounding monotone to herself—jumped up and looked out of her cell, and the Knave, still slumped on his bunch, lifted his head slightly.

A pair of grim, shriveled shadows preceded the entrance of the Duchess and her Cook; in the dim, dreary light, they appeared even more twisted hideous than usual, their eyes like glittering black blades sunken in their ugly faces, the Cook's dirty teeth and the Duchess' warped face and gaunt, yet steely hands accentuated in the shadows.

"Well, well," the Doctor murmered. "We have company."

"What do you two want?" Ace growled.

The Duchess leered, coming closer to the cell.

"What an exquisite morsel she'll make," she said, looking at Ace, but speaking to her Cook. "Are you sure the footman gave us the right keys?"

"We'll soon find out, ma'am," the Cook replied, fumbling with a ring of keys. "On that note, when was the last time we had fish of any kind?"

"Three weeks ago...or was it four?"

"Doesn't matter," the Cook shrugged.

"Off with their heads!" the Queen croaked, her throat quite sore.

"That's the general idea," the Duchess responded, still looking at the disgusted Ace. "Maybe a nice pot roast afterward will be in order..."

"Yes, you two _definitely_ remind me of someone," the Doctor piped up, "Now, if I could just remember the name...Stunball? No, not quite...maybe Scarestare?"

"After we're through with this one," the Cook grumbled, "What say we take a bite out of Time? Just one bite…"

The Duchess nodded, rubbing her hands together.

"Mmm...ah, the Fromagian Grig shall feast well tonight!"

"Be careful what you wish for," Ace warned. "You two just might get it."

"Why, my little chick, that's just what we want!"

"Let me try this one," the Cook said, and came up with one key ready...

Ace suddenly leaned out and bit his thumb.

The Cook roared like a mad bear, and lashed out, smacking Ace across the cheek; the blow was stunning, like a hit from a hammer. Ace grunted and hit the ground. The Doctor leaned down to check on her.

"Ace! You all right?"

"Urgh..." Ace groaned, rubbing her jaw, standing up slowly, stumbling, still reeling. "Everything spinning...did you get the number on that car, Professor?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

"Little whelp of a beast," snarled the Cook. "I'll tear her apart!"

"Oh, not now, Grimwag!'' the Duchess snapped. "Focus on getting her home to the kitchen first."

"Yeah, yeah...hold on...maybe this key...?"

Suddenly, both let out a sharp yelp, and crumpled to the floor...

Revealing the Cheshire Cat, in his humanoid form, and the White Rabbit, standing behind the Cat's leg, smiling timidly

"I d-delivered your message, Time," the Rabbit peeped.

"Excellent work, Sir Black!" laughed the Doctor. "See, Ace? What did I tell you?"

"Now you're a face I never thought I'd be glad to see," Ace admitted to Cheshire.

Cheshire chuckled, shaking his head amusedly.

"Tut-tut-tut...Doctor, I leave your side for a couple of hours, and already you're locked up as the enemy of the world. Some things never change, do they?"

"Never mind that! We're in quite a bit of a dilemna, old friend!"

"C'mon, get us out of here, Chesh!" cried Ace.

Cheshire smirked.

"I'm afraid I can't, Ms. Ace...or, rather, I won't."

"Well, a fat lot of good you are, then..."

"My dear girl, you forgot the magic word!"

Ace blinked, and glanced at the Doctor, who smiled thinly and gestured to her as if to say, "go on."

Ace sighed, and looked up at the Cheshire Cat.

"...Please?"

"...Actually, the word I was looking for was 'pickle'...but close enough; they both start with 'p,' and any rate."

"Now...now, hold on one moment!" the White Rabbit broke in. "It is written under Section 45.6 of the Founding Charter of the House of Kardamyne that anyone seen assisting prisoners in escaping will be swiftly executed by means of decapitation, no ifs ands or buts: off with their head, and I for one refuse to aid and abet these criminals, even if-"

"Ahem!"

The Rabbit turned, and his eyes widened at the sight of the King, who jabbed a thumb in the direction of the Queen's cell. The Rabbit gulped as the Queen eyed him with wide, vacant eyes, and giggled softly.

"Bunny," the Queen whispered.

The Rabbit turned back again, to find three identical, toothy smiles facing him...one more frightening than the rest.

"...Um...on second thought, l-let me know if I may be of assistance."

"Good boy," nodded Cheshire, and dropped down, transforming once more into his feline form. The purple tiger flashed out his claws and actually cut through the chains that held the cell's locks and kept them shut. As the door swung open, he blew on his paw proudly, and brushed it against his chest. Ace raised an eyebrow as she and the Doctor stepped over the unconscious Duchess and Cook.

"How'd you do that, anyway," Ace asked.

"How did the cat eat the rat that lived in the house that Jack built?" replied the feline.

"...Never mind."

"Bunny...off with bunny's head," uttered the deranged Drahvin.

The Rabbit whimpered. Cheshire tilted his head and looked over at the Hearts with a wide, wicked grin.

"Should I let them loose, too?" he purred. "Oh, please, tell me we can leave them here! Slow, lingering deaths are simply the best kind!"

"No, Cheshire. Let them go."

Cheshire pouted like a kitten.

"Oh, Time, you never let me have any fun," he meowed. "But, if you insist..."

The tiger slashed through the King's chains, and then the Queen's. The King went into the Queen's cell, and pulled at her arm.

"Come along with us, dear," he said.

The Queen giggled quietly in response.

"Off with their heads," she said in a delighted, almost melodic tone.

Cheshire rolled his eyes as he moved to the next cell...

As soon as the bars of his captivity were cut, the Knave of Hearts slammed the door into the tiger's face. The small figure sprinted up the stairs and out of the dungeons before anyone could grab hold of him.

Cheshire chased him to the foot of the stairs and roared after him.

"Why, that rotten, ungrateful little creature! I'll turn him into minced pie!"

"Cheshire, calm yourself."

"Oh, thank you, Doctor. I needed that."

"Yes, now, where's the opposite exit?"

"Exit stage left!" Cheshire said, waving a paw around.

"We should hurry – all of us – before the Cards reshuffle and follow," the King said, while his bride gazed around emptily.

"Oh, y-y-yes, indeed!" the Rabbit said, fumbling with his watch. "The average Raston Sentry slowest response time is roughly a quarter of a second...I know, I've counted!"

Everyone—except the Queen—stared at him.

"...Wh-what?"

Cheshire rolled his eyes.

"Well, I doubt they'll be a problem...for the moment at least...still, as they say, Time is of the essence!" the Cat said, then rose, returning to his humanoid form before gesturing for the others to follow. "Come on!"

"Oi! What do you mean, 'for the moment'?"

The cat giggled coyly and leaned towards Ace until their noses nearly touched.

"I'll explain later, snack. Let's move out!"

The cat clapped his hands and marched off.

"Chop chop!" he rapped, the King, Queen, and Rabbit following him.

The Doctor watched as Ace ran to the other end, past the unconscious Androgums. Ace set something down, then began to run.

"Come on, Professor!" she said. "We've got less than forty seconds to blow this popsicle stand!"

"Well, that's an interesting expression, but-"

"Come _on!" _Ace repeated, and grabbed the Doctor by the arm, half dragging him after them.

As they made their way down the corridor, a loud "BOOM!" echoed down the hall.

The Cheshire Cat stopped; the White Rabbit jumped so high he nearly hit his head on the ceiling.

"What was that?" they both asked at once.

"Nothing," Ace snapped. "Let's go!"

The tunnel went on and on; the cells grew rustier and rustier, and the slope grew steeper and steeper.

"These passages fell into disuse early in the reign of Queen Kardamyne," the White Rabbit suddenly piped up. "They lead outside the castle and were originally designed by the architect as a means by which unruly prisoners could escape and face a swift execution by the forces outside. The door leading to the outside world hadn't been used in...I don't know how long...but I can tell you that the original designers of this structure-"

"All very interesting, I'm sure," the Doctor snapped.

"Hey! Stop! Get back here!" shouted a voice from behind; it was the Cook.

"After them, quick!" came another; no doubt the Duchess.

"Curses," muttered Cheshire. "That blast...whatever it was...must have awakened them."

"Faster, faster!"

Finally, they reached the exit. The large iron door was wide open. Clearly, Cheshire and the Rabbit had used passage this to get in.

"Come on, come on, hurry!" bellowed the King as they ran out.

They all exited. Cheshire slammed the door shut and locked it, using a claw like a key.

"Won't they get out that way?" the Doctor asked. "I mean, they did have keys of their own..."

"Um...not anymore..."

The Cheshire Cat and the Time Lord looked down. The White Rabbit smiled timidly and pulled a familiar ring of keys out of his pocket.

Cheshire laughed.

"Little Rabbit," he grinned, "If you didn't taste so good, I could kiss you."

"Please, don't..."

The Duchess Daemore and her Cook nearly collided face-first with the door. They banged and tugged, but couldn't get it open.

"Argh!" snarled the Cook. "No good, ma'am...it won't move."

"Neither would all that rubble at the other end!" the Duchess shouted. "Come on, Grimwag, isn't there SOME way out of here?"

"Not that I can see, ma'am..."

A low growl echoed in the dungeon, emanating from both of their stomachs. They sighed dismally and slumped down against the door.

"Well...what now?" asked the Duchess.

The Cook looked over at her.

Slowly...his eyes brightened, and he smiled.

"Well," he began slyly, "Until we can figure a way out...we might just have resort to some more drastic measures, you know," gazing upon his fellow Fromagian like a Christmas feast, "whatever's...lying around..."

The Duchess looked over at him.

Slowly...her eyes brightened, and she smiled.

"What a superb idea..." she remarked, licking her lips...


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII: Shuffling**

BOOM!

The Hatter yelped and held onto his hat while the March Hare dropped to the ground, hands held over his head in fear and surprise. As the entire throne room shook, a few paintings of the Queen—now covered in moustaches and goofy glasses by the Mad Tea Partygoers—fell to the ground and broke into pieces.

The Dormouse and the Cards remained standing; they didn't budge an inch, even as tiny specks from the ceiling dropped on them.

"What in the Teapot of Rassilon was _that?!"_

"Some sort of explosion, Hatter, I think…"

"No doubt," Hatter snarled, and turned to the Rastons, snapping his fingers. The robots' skulls twitched as they turned to face their master.

"Cards!" the Hatter snapped. "Check out that blast, then have a scout party locate Time! If my calculations are correct…"

"And his calculations are ALWAYS correct…"

"Thank you, Hare. Anyway, if I'm right, Time has managed to escape the castle. Find him and kill him, no matter how many times you have to do it…then bring me his head!"

"Um…Hatter?"

"What is it, Marchy?"

"Don't you need the key to the Looking-Glass?"

"Oh…good point. All right, Cards, new plan: capture his associate, and bring her to me."

The Cards beside the throne nodded in unison, then vanished.

"His associate?" the March Hare questioned.

"Yes," Hatter said, hands shaking in anxious eagerness. "I intend to make him suffer…have him come to me on his knees, begging me to let that insolent creature out of my grip."

"Ooh!" Hare grinned, paws clasped together, bouncing on his heels. "Can I give her the tea, Hatter?! Please, please, PLEASE can I give her the tea?!"

Hatter smirked at the Hare's antics, like an old uncle watching a rambunctious nephew.

"I'll think about it, Marchy," he chuckled, then turned his eyes heavenward. "Ah, devious Time…clever Time…soon I shall have you at my mercy…"

"Not before I have you at mine, Mad Hatter!"

The March Hare and the Mad Hatter turned as the source of the voice stepped out from behind a pillar.

"Oh. You," the Hatter remarked, in a tone that screamed of boredom. "I thought you were busy rotting in the dungeon, Jacoby."

"So sorry to disappoint, Your Majesty."

"How did you get in here?" asked the March Hare, arms crossed, an eyebrow raised, rather casual, all things considered.

"A simple answer, Mr. March: I took the stairs after Time's little pets let me free."

"Oh, so it was that human that caused the explosion, eh?"

"Quite so; your security failed to notice me, I suppose," the Knave of Hearts sneered, as he stood before the throne, head held as high as he could manage. "Do you know what I plan to do now?"

"Oh, let me guess," the Hatter drawled, hands in his trouser pockets, "You're going to try and kill me."

The Knave smiled a horrible smile, and shook his head.

"Wrong, Hatter. I'm not going to try. I'm going to succeed."

The Hatter's shoulder's shook with laughter, and his head swung from side to side.

"Ah, foolish little – and I do mean _little_ – Knave," the Hatter sighed. "That's just your problem, you know: you can never see the big picture. I know all about you: how tragic it must be to have been on the highest of all soap boxes, and then to fall down into a dirty bathtub. From being the head of the not-so-peaceful Peacekeepers, to an imbecilic dwarf vying for control over an insane asylum. You can't get a break, can you?"

The Hatter's smile turned to a frown.

"I know the feeling."

"Oh, shut up, will you?!" the Knave of Hearts barked, eyes blazing. "I initially intended to make your demise a painless one, but now I think it will be much more enjoyable to cut that rakish tongue from your mouth first!"

The Hatter swept the hat off of his head and bowed, arms spread.

"Come at me, then, Knave."

"As you wish!"

The Knave's short sword suddenly sprang from its scabbard into his hand, and, with a crazed bellow, the dwarf charged forward…

Then froze, suddenly, as—almost out of nowhere—a katana-like blade plunged into his chest, held by the Dormouse, who had leapt forward almost as fast as a Raston.

The Knave's sword fell to the ground, and, clutching his chest and gasping, as the Dormouse's sword slid out of his chest. He realized she held two matching swords, and spun them both once in her gloved mitts.

"Thank you very much, Dorma," smiled Hatter genially, as the Hare giggled like a small boy as he watched the Knave. The Hatter sneered down at the impish Peacekeeper.

"What did I tell you?" Hatter said, smugly. "You fail to notice the little, quiet things…your fatal flaw."

"Emphasis on fatal," smirked the March Hare, one ear flicking quickly.

"You…you _treacherous…"_

"Fine one to talk you are," laughed the Hatter, approaching with a wide smile. "Deny it all you want, Knave, but in the end…"

The Hatter leaned in close, dropping down to eye level.

"…You are worthless to everyone. Including yourself."

The Knave spat, then hissed as the Dormouse's second sword sliced over his cheek.

The Hatter gazed down, eyes wide; his hat lay on the ground, some spittle on the brim.

"That…that was my best hat…"

He paused, then glared into the Knave's eyes with a piercing, fearsome, searing rage.

His gloved hand shot out, and grabbed the Knave harshly over his bloodstained face.

"THAT WAS MY BEST HAT! MY _FAVORITE_ HAT!" he shouted into his captive's face. "YOU'VE GOTTEN YOUR DISGUSTING SPIT ON IT, YOU STUPID, STUPID CREATURE! YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THIS!"

He pushed, flinging the wounded Knave to the floor.

"Dormouse!" the Hatter ordered, picking up his hat. "Do with him what you'd like. But save the head, and bring it to the tower…as I told you before," he addressed the Knave again, "It shall be the highest in Wonderland…until I use it for bait when fishing in the moat, that is. Away with him."

The Dormouse gave a near imperceptible nod, then, sheathing one of her blades, grabbed the Knave by the throat and dragged him out the room, still gargling on his own blood.

"W-wait!" he choked. "One…one more thing…"

"Let him say it."

The Dormouse loosened her grip, and stopped, but did not let go.

The Knave flashed a bloodstained, haunted grin.

"I could have made it quick for you," he snarled. "I may not be his friend, but when Time is through with you, you'll be left to linger in a purgatory of your own creation. Mark me!"

The Mad Hatter growled, fists clenched.

"Kill him!"

The Dormouse wasted no time, pulling the Knave out of the room fast. The Knave laughed uproariously all the way.

"PEACE!" he raved. "PEACE AT LAST!"

As the doors shut, the Hare handed the Hatter a handkerchief, which his friend used to wipe off his hat.

"Thanks, Marchy."

"You are welcome. Have you thought about it?"

"Hm? About what?"

"The tea, Hatter, the tea!"

"Oh, yes, right! Well, since Dorma's getting her fun right now…"

A terrible scream cut in.

"…I suppose you can have yours."

"Hurrah!" crowed the March Hare, his laughter mingling with a second scream…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII: We Follow Like Alice…**

"Off with their heads…slice them, chop them, cut them up! Take a bit off the top of that thick, rotten skull, then sever the rest from the spinal cord, like a knife to a bread-&-butterfly…tearing through the little fibers in the neck…off. Off. OFF!"

"Oh, put a button on it, dove!" snapped the King of Hearts. "We really can't take much more, you know!"

The Queen giggled, eyes rolling about in a disoriented way.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

The group of escapees were wandering through the Tulgey Woods, the Doctor and the Cheshire Cat leading the way, with Ace directly behind them, the King and Queen, walking hand in hand—or, rather, the King walking while the Queen was dragged behind him—and the White Rabbit taking the rear.

"Once he's set things right here, I think I'll get a phonograph for that broken record back there," Ace whispered to the Doctor.

"Wouldn't that be interesting," said the Cheshire Cat, overhearing Ace's remark. The Doctor reacted in no way, his mind, seemingly, elsewhere.

"Professor?"

The Doctor turned as Ace handed him a small black pen.

The Doctor frowned, patted his pockets, then snatched it away.

"When did you get that, Ace?"

"Swiped it from your pocket when we got out; the switch on the canister was stuck."

The Doctor smirked.

"Ace…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. At least I returned it, right?"

"No, that's not it at all! Actually, I was about to say how incrrredibly astonished I am that you were able to get the timing on that last bit of Nitro-9 absolutely right! Keep this up, and perhaps you'll even figure out how to do it all the time!"

Ace blinked, then smiled.

"Thanks, Professor."

The Doctor grinned and teasingly tapped Ace on the nose, then turned to Cheshire.

"You know, something else astonished me back there…"

"Oh, really? What would that be?"

"How you and the Rabbit managed to get into Card Castle, and then get out along with all of us, without being detected by the guards."

The cat raised an eyebrow, smiling.

"My, my, how funny it is when you are not 'in the know,' Time," he chuckled. "Here, I'll show you…"

The Katoseussian pulled up his sleeve, revealing a small band on his arm, similar to a wristwatch, but with a curious triangle covered in tiny buttons, as opposed to a tiny clock.

"Ah!" the Doctor gasped. "Of course: a Katoseussian Personal Environmental Adaptor and Concealing Unit…a KPEACU, if you will! Mark IV?"

"Actually, Mark V."

"Brrrilliant!"

"Um…English, please?" Ace piped.

"It's a sort of cloaking device used by the Nine Lives Alliance," the Doctor explained. "It makes anything moving within a ten meter radius invisible to the enemy. The Rastons work on movement sensors, so, since they were unable to sense us through the cloaking shield, we all were able to leave unnoticed by the Rastons. And Cheshire and the Rabbit were never noticed when they came in. That's why no one even tried to stop us."

"Because they couldn't see us!"

"Exactly! A remarkable device. I haven't seen one in centuries…then again, I guess that is the point…"

"So THAT'S how you were able to disappear in the story!"

Cheshire tilted his head.

"What story?"

"Forget it, Cheshire," the Doctor said. "How did you get that down here?"

"Well, Time, you may recall that, as the Grand Chz'zhur, I was a commanding officer, head technician, and a skilled tap dancer…granted, the last thing had nothing to do with the job, but it often helped."

"Yes…I will never forget how you stopped that Cerberian assassin using nothing but an old shoe…"

"Indeed. I think he enjoyed my routine…before I ate his nose. Anyway, when they sent me here, I was allowed to bring one item of choice with me."

"So, you chose that?"

"No, I chose this suit I'm wearing; I slipped the device into my pocket."

The Doctor smirked.

"Bad kitty."

"Yes, and I'm loving it, thank you."

"If you two are done having a walk down memory lane," Ace interrupted, "could you tell us where we're going, Professor?"

"Actually, the child has a point," Cheshire agreed, arms crossed. "I don't suppose we're walking aimlessly out here?"

"We want to know, too!"

"A-as would I…"

"Off off off! Chop chop chop! Cut cut cut!"

The Doctor sighed.

"Well, if you all really want to know…I'm actually planning to speak with a friend."

"Professor, this hardly seems like a good point to be making a social call…"

"We agree," the King piped up. "We firmly believe it is in our best interests to be finding a way to take back the castle!"

"Indeed," the White Rabbit peeped. "That, or a good hiding place, at least…"

"As to Your Majesty's suggestion," the Doctor responded, "The castle was lost before you even got it. At the moment, it is in the hands of a lunatic with powers that rival my own. And, as to Sir Black's suggestion, said powers mean that there is really no place to hide anymore; all we can do is run."

"As much as I loathe to admit it, that just means that Ms. Appetizer…"

"It's Ace."

"Whatever…is right," snapped the Cheshire Cat. "The battery on my cloaking device only lasts so long before it needs recharging, and, the instant it goes out, the Rastons will be onto us…perhaps even literally. I may have dropped low on the military ladder, but I still have enough of that in me to say we should retreat and form some strategy to stop the Mad Hatter. There simply no time to…to…"

The Cat trailed off as the Doctor glared right into his eyes.

"Chz'zhur?"

The cat gulped.

"Y-yes?"

_"I AM Time._ And I say I have enough of myself for what I'm planning. Am I clear?"

The Cat straightened.

"As a crystal, Doctor."

The Doctor grinned, backing up.

"Good. Now, shall we?"

The cat nodded.

"Lead the way," he said.

The Doctor nodded briskly, and then moved forward.

Cheshire mewled, then followed.

Ace walked beside the Doctor, and smirked.

"Professor?"

"Hm?"

"Is Cheshire your…pet, or something?"

The Doctor smiled faintly…but never a word he said.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX: "Doctor Who?"**

The Doctor led the group to a very, very, VERY large tree, dead in the center of the forest. Its branches billowed with lush, turquoise-toned leaves into the skies above. Its bark was as black as ebony with dribbles of purple sap running and sticking across it at various points. An enormous hole—in the shape of a doorway—was cut into the tree, which was covered by a curtain of thorny vines. So thick and dark were the vines that shrouded the entrance, that the interior could not be seen, even by the Cheshire Cat's keen, yellow eyes.

"And here we all are, at last!" sighed the Doctor, stopping abruptly. So abruptly, in fact, that Ace nearly bumped into him, and the White Rabbit DID bump into her.

"OI! Watch what you're doin'!"

"S-sorry, it was an accident," apologized the Rabbit.

"I certainly hope you know what you're doing, Doctor," Cheshire grumbled.

"Come, dearest," the King of Hearts whispered, patting his wife's hand gently as he brought her to sit down with him on a half-rotted log nearby. "Let's rest a moment while Time takes care of his business..."

"One, two, three, four...let the blood cover the floor..." crooned the Queen.

The White Rabbit shuddered, which drew a short chuckle from the Cheshire Cat.

"What are we doing here anyway, Professor?" Ace asked the Doctor, who had been inspecting the immense tree before them with acute interest.

"Hm? Oh, I told you already, didn't I? I came to see a friend," he replied, then called out aloud, "Hello, hello! Are there any sentient life forms around here?"

There was a pause, then, the thorny curtain parted. A curious bird, with a large beak and exceptionally large eyes, poked its feathery head out. Its plumage was a dull gray, and its eyes were a dark amber tone. It let out a short squawking sound as it blinked up at the Doctor and exited the tree. As the bird stepped out, its fat, round body became visible, as well as a feathered hand carrying a bamboo cane, but it otherwise bore no other decorations.

"Oh...visitors! How da-da-darling! Hello there!" the bird said. "May I ask who is calling, please?"

"What in the name of Gordon Bennett are you?" Ace asked.

"Silly girl! I happen to be a Do-Do-Dodo bird!"

"...Aren't you supposed to be extinct?"

The bird ignored her, looking back up at the Doctor.

"And you are, de-de-dear sir?"

"Time."

The Dodo's already vastly wide eyes widened even further.

"Oh...oh! De-de-dear me! Sorry about that, Do-Do-Doctor! My master di-di-did say you would be arriving soon...what de-de-delightful timing! I shall announce you at once!"

"Splendid! Did you hear that?" the Doctor grinned. "He'll announce us at once!"

"Oh, no, just you," the Dodo said. "The others of your party are not permitted to di-di-discuss with him."

"With who?" Ace thought to herself. She then froze still in place, with her eyes widening as a voice in her head whispered three words:

_**With me, child.**_

"...Professor?"

"Hm?"

"Can...can whatever is here...read minds?"

"More than that," the Doctor replied, as the Dodo reentered the tree.

A shrill beep stung everyone's ears, and the Cheshire Cat pulled up his cloaking device. He growled impatiently.

"Haste makes waste, Time, so they say" he purred, "But, for once, it could be useful. My battery is nearly dead as a dodo..."

"What?!" snapped the Dodo, head poking out from the thorny curtain in horror.

"Oop! No offense. So sorry!"

The Dodo snorted, and turned to the Doctor.

"My master says you may speak with him now, Do-Do-Doctor."

"Thank you," said the Doctor...

The Doctor then moved to a nearby rock, sat down, cool as a cucumber, and fell silent, staring off into space.

Everyone just stared at him.

"...Er...what is he doing?" the White Rabbit asked the Dodo, the latter of whom rolled his eyes, as if the answer was obvious.

"My de-de-dear lad, he's di-di-discussing with my master."

"But...isn't your master...inside the tree?"

"Yes and no."

"I don't get it," Ace piped up.

"Could you all be quiet for a moment?" the Doctor interrupted. "I'm trying to have a conversation with the creature behind that curtain."

The Doctor turned back again.

"Hello again, old friend," he intoned, seemingly into thin air, and then fell silent.

"...Uh...Time?" the Cheshire Cat broke in after a moment. He waved a gloved hand in front of the mesmerized Doctor's face. "My friend...are you talking to yourself now? Hearing voices in your head?"

No reply came. The Doctor seemed in a trance.

"You know, I believe that's a sign of true and pure madness," Cheshire went on. "At least, many say so. Isn't that right, David?" he then asked, turning his head so that he may seemingly address a bush.

The King of Hearts raised an eyebrow.

"We hate to ask, but...who, exactly, is David?"

"Never mind," Cheshire said, airily. With a sigh, Cheshire then reclined on a low branch, removing his gloves and placing them over his lap. He procured a file from his jacket and began to sharpen his claws.

Ace rolled her eyes irritably at the cat-man's antics, and then moved towards the Doctor, crouching beside him.

"Professor?" Ace whispered.

But the Doctor didn't hear her, for he wasn't really there…

**Far off, yet right before them, in a space somewhere between the realms of dreams and reality, of tortuous thought and mindless action, the Doctor stood in a cavern. The caves were dimly lit by a series of glass jars, filled with fluttering fireflies, hung from a stalactite-littered ceiling. Bright red and blue mushrooms surrounded him, some as large as himself. A strange, soothing odor filled the air, along with thin, vaporous clouds of multi-colored smoke that shone in every color imaginable that seemed to permeate the cavern. This smog, to the common human nose, unaccustomed to such foreign scents, carried a veiled aroma of rose blossoms, fresh peaches, chocolate-coated strawberries, and sweet vanilla. Shades of ruby reds, golden yellows, ocean blues, grassy greens, sunset oranges, deep violets, and midnight indigo assaulted the Doctor's mental eyes.**

** Seated against a fungus-and-thorn studded wall, in a throne made of twisting, gnarled, and decidedly dead vines—covered in dry black roses and ghostly white toadstools—was a bizarre figure. The upper portion of this creature was chiefly humanoid, save for its green-blue skin and the three red eyes upon its face, resembling the eyes of an ancient Buddha, with two in their usual place, and one set into the forehead. All three were insectoid, and glowed with a faint, eerie light. The creature was thin and dressed in threadbare clothes. Once, they may have been elegant, regal robes, but age and weather had worn them into tatters. The bottom of this creature was far less familiar in that it resembled the body of a large, green-blue caterpillar, segmented, wrinkled, and translucent. It bore stubby, claw-tipped legs that, presumably, had no function anymore, as it sat, coiled like a snake, in the throne's seat. Strange ripples along its skin and twitches from its legs issued forth every so often. Beside it, on the ground, was an ornate, gem-encrusted hookah pipe, undoubtedly the source of the vivid, technicolor smoke.**

** The sight was altogether bizarre, frightening, and horrible to see. Yet, to the Doctor, it carried no menace. It was discordant and depraved, yet carried a surreal sort of harmony, all at once.**

** "Good day, Terrpillac," the Time Lord said, his avatar enveloped in the psychic field, reacting and communicating as he would physically. Particles flashed and buzzed as he spoke, like thoughts flitting between the two in a curious projection of electrical impulses made tangible in this odd realm.  
**

** "Greetings," the caterpillar-man said, in a voice that was deep and dark, filled with wisdom, sorrow, and just a touch of dementia. "It has been a while now, hasn't it?"**

** "Indeed, but let's not be strangers; refer to me by my name."**

** "I could...for I know it. So, the Doctor, eh? That is what you call yourself, nowadays?"**

** "Indeed. However, most of the inhabitants here prefer to call me Time."**

** "Neither title was the one I was referring to, my old comrade. I meant the other."**

** Silence fell between the two, a lack of sound ever so pronounced considering the instantaneous mental nature of their communication.**

** "How do you feel?"**

** Terrpillac paused, taking a deep breath of his hookah.**

** "Tolerably insane."**

** "Good. I was just making sure I could still trust you."**

** "You can't really trust anybody, **_**Time.**_** Your kitten, just outside, would gladly devour you if the situation was extreme enough. Humans, by their natures, tend to be a narrow and treacherous lot, especially towards that which they do not, will not, or cannot understand. You have seen the corruptible nature of your own race many times over your numerous lives. Even I, were it not for this...**_**'treatment,'" **_**he said carefully, indicating the pipe, "Could be dangerous. It is this alone that keeps me lucid...removes the thoughts and voices of all the world—the sounds from of Heaven and Hell itself—from infiltrating my mind, and driving me to bedlam. Were I to allow them passage again, I would become more great and terrible than perhaps even you could ever imagine. The two of us are far more than we seem, even amongst others like us. That is the curse we bear...that, and I smoke too much, as you see," he shrugged, and took another deep drag from the pipe, blowing a ring of purple smoke into the air.**

** "You were one of the few to come here willingly," the Doctor recalled.**

** "I stand by my decision; I will not help the Hatter, but I cannot do much for you, either. To me, this is not a prison; it is a sanctum."**

** "Tell me what I want to know," spoke the Doctor in a tone that was demanding, yet calm.**

** "Again, I could...but you would probably be happier with what you NEED to know, wouldn't you?"**

** "Well?"**

** Terrpillac took another deep breath, his expressionless, bug-like eyes blinking through translucent flesh.**

** "I think," the caterpillar-man said at length, "That you already know, Doctor."**

** The Doctor sighed.**

** "You always gave good advice," he murmered. "I very seldom followed it before, I'll rrreadily admit...but I need it now."**

** Terrpillac chuckled deeply.**

** "Lives hang in the balance, Doctor," he said. "The choice you make must be done carefully; never think those around you are immune to the consequences."**

** "I don't need a lecture!" the Doctor snapped, suddenly. "I have long known the risks, sir, having seen so many lives so pointlessly lost. I've travelled spacetime itself for rrroughly 950 years now, and I will never cease to be amazed by the so-called 'wonders' I would see. I've seen good creatures lose their families, their friends, their minds, their lives...sometimes more than one. I've seen justice executed in the manner of a poorly delivered joke, phenomenal cosmic powers in the hands of the most impotent beings imaginable. I saw the birth of a race of pure-bred killers, the procreation of a cybernetic death squad, warriors forged in hate, and combatants playing with lives like mere pawns in their perverted game, creating deaths and destruction by the millions. I've lost friends...and more than that...myself."**

** "And?"**

** "I cannot allow this to go on. I cannot allow the spread of this disease across more than twelve realties and the destruction of all life as we know it. I have to try and stop what I can..."**

** "...But?"**

** The Doctor sighed, turning away slightly.**

** "...But, every time I make a move, I think: 'what am I really doing?' When I sacrifice a white pawn, how different am I from the red?"**

** He turned back again.**

** "This game requires careful strrrategy, Terrpillac. I can't afford to lose...but is my battle plan the best? Am I really doing right, or am I just ensuring the spread of more mayhem in the future...specifically, my future? Imagine the weight my decision will carry, and in the end, what choice do I have, old friend?"**

** Terrpillac paused, took another breath, and blew a brilliant, gold smoke ring into the air; it wrapped around a stalactite like a coiled snake, then disappeared.**

** "The way I see it," he said, rather morosely, "Your options now are limited to one...the one you already know of, and have set into motion. Think of what you are saying, Doctor: many lives have been lost, and more will end. Everything has its time, everything must fade...every rose must leave for another to bloom."**

** Terrpillac chuckled wearily, and gazed down at one of his hands.**

** "...I will, too. I'm dying already. My metamorphosis draws ever nearer...if and when we meet again, I may very well not remember you, a new life begun."**

** "Perhaps that's the real tragedy: memory. Maybe it is better to forget..."**

** "If we forget, we cease to be," the caterpillar-man returned. "If you failed to remember all you learned over the past centuries, you would not be who you are...and, really, Doctor...**_**who are you?"**_

**The Doctor sighed, removing his hat and running his hand through his hair.**

** "I am no longer certain; so many regenerations...so much horror...the universe itself has made me weary, wary, and utterly 'wiped out,' to quote a phrase..."**

** "If it rains, it pours, and we carry on."**

** The Doctor nodded, and, abruptly, maniacally, laughed from deep inside his chest.**

** "Sorry," he then apologized, still chuckling, "But...I think I truly might be mad..."**

** "You know what Cheshire says. It's very true, and not just here."**

** There was a pause.**

** "...Doctor Who?"**

** "Sorry?"**

** "You did not answer me earlier. Who are you? Every Doctor has a name; what is yours? Healer? Warrior? Madman? Murderer? Soothsayer? Soldier? Traveler? Genius? Fool? **_**Who?"**_

** The Doctor bit his lip, shook his head, and replaced his hat.**

** "I'm quite certain that I have no idea," he admitted. "But I know 'what' I am, 'where' I am, and 'when' I am, although not always. However this time I am certain...and I certainly hope I'm doing the rrright thing."**

** The caterpillar-man sighed dismally.**

** "I do not understand you, Doctor, any more than you understand yourself. I cannot envy your decisions any more than you envy my mind. But I can offer one thing..."**

** "What is that?"**

** "Sympathy. Useless, but eternal."**

** The Doctor smirked.**

** "Thank you."**

** "Return to your companion, and your party; the hour of the Jabberwock dawns now."**

"DOCTOR!"

The Doctor blinked rapidly, and looked around, as if dazed.

His eyes caught those of his companion's, and he sighed, as if relieved.

"Oh, Ace...don't do that. The psy-scape is not my most familiar realm here-"

"That's not the problem, Professor!"

"Well, what is?"

"This," interrupted Cheshire, holding up his device. "My battery has less than five minutes left of power; the Cards are likely on the way."

The Queen giggled, causing all heads to turn towards her.

"Five, six, seven, eight...it's too late...yes, it's too late..."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X: Giving In to Madness**

"Oh, dear, oh dear, we're late...we are so, so late...we're late, late, late…!"

"Late for what?!" snapped the Cheshire Cat with his fangs bared angrily.

"I didn't mean punctuality!" the White Rabbit said, morbidly.

"Who were you talking to, Professor?"

"A Terrpillac?"

"A what?"

"Terrpillac. None amongst the Terrpillac race possessed an individual designation. Rather, as a means of identification, members of this primarily telepathic people each had a unique biopsycho-imprint that meant any recipient literally knew who they were talking to without any need of any physical projection, from sounds to image. However such projection was usually cast as a means of courtesy to the many outside races who might be off put by the idea of a disembodied influence extending and manifesting itself inside their head...**_and why am I explaining all this?!_** We're in danger!"

"Sorry. Got a plan, Professor?"

"As a matter of fact, Ace, I do," the Doctor replied, then turned to the Dodo, who was standing nearby. "I suggest you rrreturn to your master now; don't need you getting into the muck of this mess."

"Thank you, Do-Do-Doctor. Goodbye, and good luck," the Dodo said with a bow. The avian life form waddled away, vanishing behind the curtain for the last time.

"So, what is our strategy, then, Time?" asked Cheshire.

"There are two steps to my plan."

"And they are…?"

"Well, step one you might call a 'tactical retreat.'"

"You don't mean to say we outrun them? Nothing can outrun a Raston, you know that!"

"Not we, Cheshire. You."

"...Me?"

"No, no, not just you! I mean ALL of you!"

"...You want me and the rest of the group to outrun Rastons."

"No, just hide from them!"

"You cannot hide from them anymore than you can outrun them, Doctor! It doesn't make any sense!"

"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves. Cheshire, the Cards aren't after any of you, as far as I'm aware! It's me the Mad Hatter wants. And I'm going to give him just that."

"You're going to surrender?!" Ace exclaimed.

"Something like that, yes," said the Doctor with a shrug.

"But...but he'll KILL you!"

"He hardly seems the type," the Doctor responded darkly. "Not without gloating for an hour, first, anyway."

"Doctor, this is madness!" the Cat roared, looking about half ready to strangle the Time Lord in frustration.

The Doctor got right up into the Cheshire Cat's face and looked him dead in the eye.

"What did you say, Grand Chz'zhur, to a human boy named Charles, so many, many years ago?"

"...Oh."

"'Oh.' Right. Good kitten," the Doctor mumbled, rolling his eyes. He then turned to Ace, sternly. "Now, I mean it this time; when I tell you to stay put, _stay put._ Right?"

"Wrong."

The Doctor groaned.

"But, Professor-!"

"Ace, this is neither the time nor the place for a proper argument!"

"You started it!"

"No, I didn't! I just told you to stay put!"

"Oh, yes...after telling me you're going to give yourself up to some looney in a funny hat who wants to alter the course of time!"

"...All right, good point, but-"

"Professor, I can't let you do this! I can't sit idly here; you'll get hurt, or worse, and-"

"LISTEN TO ME, ACE!" the Doctor suddenly shouted as he grabbed her by the shoulders, and causing much of the party—the Queen excluded, as her mind was otherwise preoccupied—to jump in surprise. "This is bigger...bigger than me, bigger than you, even bigger than Wonderland! This is a private war, and if the Hatter wins, everything's over! Galaxies, solar systems, planets, civilizations…billions upon trillions of lives will be extinguished before they can even get a glimpse past what their tiny shells and eyes can comprehend! And all because the aforementioned 'looney in a funny hat' decided he needed a new toy to play with! Now, I have an idea how I might possibly halt his plans, but to make it work properly, with as little risk as possible, I ought to go back to him, and I will go back alone!"

He took a few deep breaths, then released her. The Doctor then seated himself again on the rock nearby, pinching his brow, now marked with perspiration and anguish.

"...Doctor…"

"What is it now, Cheshire?"

"Do you really think you stand any better chance returning to the dungeons from which we freed you?"

"Sanity bears no mark on the insane mind, my friend. Now, will you all just-"

_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!_

A long, shrill, squealing sound caught the attention of all. The Cheshire Cat snapped out his cloaking device, and gulped.

"The batteries are dead," he hissed.

"Oh, dear! That's just what we need," the Doctor grumbled, before addressing the entire party. "It appears as though events have accelerrrated beyond my anticipated calculations, and, therefore, so must our plan. In short: take cover!"

"No need to tell us twice!" the King declared, as he dragged to Queen over to some bushes.

The White Rabbit panted, glancing around, before jumping behind a rock and curling up behind it.

Ace latched onto the Doctor's jacket.

"Professor…"

"Ace, go!"

The girl shook her head in defiance.

"Cheshire, take care of her!"

"No sooner said than done!" the Cheshire Cat growled, then grabbed onto the girl's backpack and dragged her after him into a dry river bed a just a few feet away.

"DOCTOR!" she cried out, then fell silent as the cat shushed her.

As soon as they had all taken shelter, the Doctor ran forward a few steps, then turned to the sky, as if summoning the powers of the air to his side.

"HELLO!" he bellowed. "OLLY-OLLY-OXEN-FREE! HERE I AM, YOU STRINGLESS PUPPETS! IT'S ME YOU WANT, EH? COME ON!"

A hand went to his shoulder. He whipped around.

The Doctor smiled as a faceless, battered silver head stared back.

"Ah," he grinned. "Good to see I have your attention. Took you long enough. Now…" he held out his arms, as if expecting to be handcuffed, "Take me to your leader, as it were!"

"Not so easy as that, Time."

The Doctor turned back again.

The March Hare and the Dormouse approached, each flanked by a Raston Guard.

He grinned wider.

"Excellent! Finally, two to talk to!"

He paused.

"...Well, one to talk to, anyway."

"Enough," the March Hare said, coldly. Then, suddenly, the deranged Hare became all smiles and sunshine again as he continued, polite as punch. "As instructed by King Hatter, if we were to find you, we are—or, rather, I am—to kindly persuade you to lend us the Looking-Glass, so that we can at last be free and march to the beat of our own drums!"

The Doctor sighed.

"Oh, it figures...reciting that crazed dogma again. Why, you two are no better than these empty shells," he went on, pointing at the Rastons as he spoke, "Blindly following any order they-"

He froze as a katana pointed directly at his lips.

In the shelter of the bank, peeking just over the edge, the Cheshire Cat hissed quietly.

"Now there's a mouse I'd love to play with…"

"Doctor!" Ace whispered.

The March Hare, who had thankfully failed to notice the inhabitants of the bank, just grinned at the Doctor, chipper as a chipmunk.

"What's the matter, Time? Rat got your tongue?"

The Dormouse turned her head toward the Hare silently. The Hare shrugged.

"So sorry, Dorma...it was too easy for me to pass up."

The Dormouse did not respond, but returned her veiled gaze to the Doctor.

"I'd watch my tongue if I were you, Doctor," the Hare added, his smile a little less bright. "It won't look so nice flopping about in the dirt. And I am appalled, sir," he said, arms crossed stiffly, "That you would insinuate that we are 'blind shells!' I cannot speak for Dorma, here...and I think her blade speaks for herself...but I, for one, am just part of the _avant garde!_ I just want to make this Madhouse a bit more tolerable to take!"

"Really? Well then, Haigha, tell me this: if you succeed…"

"Which we will…"

"...What's your part in this scheme? After the lock is broken and the TARDIS yours, what will you do?"

The Hare pondered this, scratching one of his long ears briefly.

"Hmm...well," he said at length, holding up a gloved finger and smiling giddily, "Hatta said that if I was good—and I have been—I could have a galaxy all to my own to play with!"

"Indeed. And how, exactly, are you going to play with it? What do you want to do?"

The Hare giggled childishly.

"Sorry...haven't gotten that far yet...say, what is this all about, anyway? What are you getting at?"

"I am trying to give you, Haigha, a chance to do something you clearly haven't done in a long, long time."

"...Juggle spatulas while wearing a banana peel on my head and balancing on a tightrope?"

"NO. Think things through."

"Oh, now where's the fun in that? I live in the moment! A moment which, by the way, thanks to you, has not been much of a life at all. No matter! Soon it will begin again! So, enough preliminaries, Time...where is the key?"

The Doctor tilted his head.

"Key?" he cooed, innocently. "What key?"

The Hare sneered.

"I'm a mad hare, sir, not a moron. Where is it?"

"I'm afraid that I haven't the slightest notion about what you're talking about."

The Hare smirked.

"What if I have Dorma pierce both your lungs? Would you know then?"

"No, I'd be dead, quite frankly."

"Yes, but you'd regenerate, wouldn't you? Hatta says you would…"

"Even then, I would never tell you."

"Ah, but I could have her cut up your lungs over and over, until you have only one life left. I've no compunctions in doing so. You would have to tell me then, wouldn't you?"

"No, Haigha, I would not. I think I would prefer a hundred deaths over whatever you and the Hatter are planning to do with my TARDIS."

The March Hare suddenly lunged forward, grabbing the Doctor by the collar as the Dormouse lowered her blade. His pink eyes burned with a deranged, desperate light.

"I am NOT going back to Hatta without that key," he snarled.

"Well, it looks like you just might have to," the Doctor retorted.

The Hare glowered, and shook his head, releasing the Doctor and stepping back.

"No," he said, darkly. "I'm not. You say you'd rather die a hundred deaths? So be it, then; the Mad Hatter told me to get that key, and gave me permission to destroy you...no matter how long it takes. So..."

He raised a hand, and the Rastons flicked out their blades.

"Quiet on the set! Take _one..."_

"NO!" cried a voice from the bank.

The Doctor groaned aloud, knowing full well what was coming...

_Why can't that girl JUST. STAY. PUT?!_

Before the Cheshire Cat, or anybody else, could stop her, Ace leapt from the pit and ran forward with her bat held like a sword in her hands. She swung blindly at the Rastons that held the Doctor, only for them to vanish.

The robots that once surrounded the Doctor, now surrounded her, holding her captive.

The March Hare grinned, large front teeth like ivory axe blades.

"Well," he smiled, pleasantly, "Isn't this delightful! Looks like we've got the key to Time after all, eh, Dorma?"

The Dormouse, as usual, was silent.

The Hare chuckled, and looked at the Doctor. Casually sticking his gloved hands into his pockets, the Hare's ears flicked in sheer joy.

"Now, my selfless friend, I think I have the answer to our problem: I know your kind, and I know you wouldn't mind being the sacrificial lamb...but what of your sweet companion? Will you risk her life, or surrender the key?"

The Doctor growled, frozen in place.

The Hare giggled childishly.

"Oh, this is just too entertaining...the suspense is KILLING me...HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

_**Oh, no!**_

_**Which will the Doctor choose?!**_

_**His companion? Or the end of Time itself?!**_

_**Things have certainly taken a turn for the worst...but it isn't checkmate yet!**_

_**Will Ace be saved, or is it nearly time for her execution?**_

_**Will the Mad Hatter's scheme soon be fulfilled?**_

_**The answer to these questions and more, in the fourth and final installment of "Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness!"**_

_**Same Van-Time! Same Hat-Channel!**_

…

_J:__ Ha! There now! Straight fifty-fifty!_

_VS:__ So I see._

_J:__ Well, are you happy with it?_

_VS:__ ...No. Are you?_

_J:__ ...No._

_Both:__ HOORAY! IT'S PERFECT!_

_J:__ Well, darling readers, we are nearly finished! One last ten-chapter part to go, and the descent shall end!_

_VS__ (in the Royal Canterlot Voice):"Ha HA! THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!"_

_J:__ ...Okay, first off, that made no sense…_

_VS:__ "Make sense?! Oh, what fun is there in making sense?"_

_J:__ ...Okay, I'll let that one slide...BUT, second off, if you EVER say the first quote again, I shall turn you into a mouse and feed you to the nearest Cheshire Cat._

_VS:__ You wouldn't dare!_

_J:__ ...Um...actually, yes. Yes, I would. However, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, you may decide which one I shall feed you to...if the need arises._

_VS:__ Well, Richard Kuhlman's seems the most friendly...if you disregard the outtakes…_

_J:__ You're learning._

_VS:__ Well, anyway, join us next time for the Final Problem, so to speak, of "Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness!"_

_J:__ That is, if the Brony survives that long...mwa ha ha…_

_VS:__ ...Pinkie Pie Mustard Chimicherrychanga…_

_J: __**SILENCE!**_


End file.
